It hurts sometimes.
Actually, no. It hurts all the time.
Do you ever feel alone? Like there isn’t a single person who’ll listen to you? Like all your friends are there simply as a courtesy, but when your heart is crying out to them for a hug or an ear to listen to your fears or pain, they suddenly disappear or tune out?
Some nights I set it aside and numb the pain by escaping into a book or watching a movie or playing video games.
Not tonight though.
Tonight I’m screaming. Tonight I’m calling. Tonight I’m crying for that friend who’ll wrap their arms around me and let me pour everything I’m hiding onto their shoulders.
And tonight, like every other night I feel alone and abandoned. . .
He listens intently when I unload the hurt that’s eating at my soul. He sits beside me when I feel like no one else will.
He rests his hand on my shoulder and says, “I won’t leave you.”
“Is that a promise?” I ask him (night after night).
“I told you, I’m always with you.”
He says the same thing every time. No matter what I say or do.
He’s always there.
I rarely follow his advice (even though I try so hard to). I often forget to do what he asks me to. I don’t communicate well with him, and when I do, I’m almost always asking him to do something and never listening to what he has to say.
Some friend I am.
But he’s always there. He’s always listening. He’s always holding me.
He destroyed death for me. . .
By dying himself.
And here I am crying out for a friend when this one is already here beside me.