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  1. In the spirit of authenticity (pt. 2). . .

    September 26, 2010 by Nate

    Read part 1 here

    I never realized that what I had been taught throughout most of my life was actually antithetical to what the Scripture teaches about our lives in Jesus.

    While people at the churches I grew up attending won’t admit it, they actually advocate a works-based system of following Christ. Doctrines like “rededication,” “letting go and letting God,” and “the victorious life” run rampant through these churches. There’s more of a focus on someone’s external condition than on his/her internal condition.

    I could go to camp every year and “rededicate” my life to Christ but never actually follow him. And that’s exactly what I did. I prayed a prayer when I was a child, and everyday between 1989 and 2007 I lied. I lied because I didn’t really have a clue who Jesus was. I lied because I’d never encountered him, and it seemed like everyone else did.

    I even lied to myself.

    I came up with this elaborate story of how, when I was just five years old sometime in November of 1989, I was sitting in my grandmother’s living room, my aunt told me about Jesus, and I “accepted him into my heart” that day.

    I was too afraid of not having a story that I made one up.

    And somehow I believed it.

    I really wanted to be a Christian, but I think I got so caught up in looking like a Christian that I never had the opportunity to find out what it really meant to be one. I felt so much pressure on me to live up to a certain standard, but I could never measure up.

    The year I discovered rock music was devastating. I wrestled with it because I knew it was something that was sinful yet strangely enjoyable. While I couldn’t find anything inherently wrong with it, I knew it had to be sinful because my pastor said it was.

    And I couldn’t piecemeal my life. If I broke one Christian rule, according to James 2.10, I was guilty of breaking all of it. So the fact that I liked rock music meant that I had broken all of God’s commands. Since I wasn’t completely surrendered to Christ, I was a carnal Christian, and by conclusion, of no use to God’s Kingdom.

    But I tried to compartmentalize. If no one at church found out that I listened to rock music, I’d be fine. I looked like a good Christian, so therefore I must have been a good Christian.

    But all that pressure to live my life according to what they claimed were God’s standards was eating away at me more than I ever realized at the time. Now add to that pressure cooker puberty, curiosity, and a new toy called the Internet. . .

    Category Christianity, Personal, Spirituality | Tags: | No Comments

  2. In the spirit of authenticity (pt. 1). . .

    September 26, 2010 by Nate

    I want to share a story with all of you. I probably should have shared this a very long time ago, but I’ve been afraid to look at my past with this kind of detail.

    After two years of online correspondence with activist/author/fellow blogger Anne Jackson, I finally got to meet her face-to-face. And she’s exactly what I expected. Who she is over email is the same as who she is in person.

    But that came as a challenge to me. Because I know that’s not me. I’m still afraid to be real.

    And I’m really afraid to talk about this.

    So after a deep breath let’s start from the beginning.

    I grew up in a fundamentalist culture, more specifically the independent Baptist fundamentalist culture. The seventeen years I spent there shaped my view of God and gave me many gross misconceptions about who God is and how he works in our lives.

    Most of what I learned growing up stems from what’s called Keswick theology (chefarianism). (I’m indebted to Dr. Camille Lewis for her enlightening me on the pervasiveness of this view.)

    Keswick theology is, in my opinion, harmful to a healthy view of our Creator and is the primary reason non-Christians have such a negative perception of Christians. Sadly, however, this is what’s been taught in churches across America.

    Ideas like “the victorious life” or “dedicating your life to Christ” are the result of Keswick theology which essentially removes the human identity with the goal of being completely surrendered to God. Here’s how Lewis describes it.

    For the Keswickian there are two types of Christian: carnal and normal. For the normal Christian, the self is dethroned, yielded, absent. Any hint of self-identity, however, is carnal. Sin, in the Keswickian perspective, is overwhelmingly powerful. And while it can never be eradicated, it must be continually thwarted. Full surrender is the only solution; anything less is willful rebellion. What this comes down to is complete capitulation of anything human or anything personal. The self is useless. It has no rights, no personality, and no humanity.

    It’s in this setting that my journey begins. . .

    Read part 2 here.

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  3. Belief. . .

    September 22, 2010 by Nate

    One of the awesome things about my new job is the opportunity to listen to men who are far smarter than I am dialogue about spirituality. I love sitting in on many casual conversations that take place in the kitchen/conference room. But there have been several occasions where I’ve been pulled into a conversation.

    Today was one of those occasions. One of our pastors looked at me and said, “Commit this to memory: Romans 4.3.” When this guy says something, I know I need to listen. He’s one of those men whose opinion is cherished throughout the office.

    So today I after work I decided to read through that passage.

    “For what does the Scripture say? ‘Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness.’”

    The ramifications of this sentence floored me.

    For practically my entire life I’ve added so much to the Gospel. But when the question is asked—”How can I be made right with God?”—the answer strips all that away.

    Believe.

    My favorite story in the life of Jesus is the story of Lazarus’s death. The story is a microcosm of everything that Jesus came to earth for. He enters our world in the middle of our deepest suffering and pain. He looks at the pain and sympathizes empathizes with us. He even cries with us. He then does battle with the pain and breathes life into death.

    After Lazarus died, Martha, Lazarus’s sister, approaches Jesus in the middle of her pain and essentially asks, “Where were you?!” And instead of comforting her or reassuring her, Jesus reminds Martha of who He is.

    “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.”

    How reassuring is this statement when your brother just died?

    And then Jesus asks her point blank. “Do you believe this?”

    Her response is staggering. “Yes, Lord, I believe. . .”

    And in believing, she was given a front-row seat to Christ’s duel with death.

    Believe, and God takes you into His family.

    Believe, and God shows you how mightily He fights for you.

    Believe, and God makes you right with Him.

    Martha’s doubts didn’t go away before she believed. None of her questions were answered before she believed.

    She believed, and then she saw.

    It’s the same thing for us today. Seeing is not the catalyst for believing. Believing is the catalyst for seeing.

    When we believe, we see just how powerful God is.

    When we believe, we see just how much God loves.

    When we believe, we see that God wants us with Him.

    But all this is possible only when we believe.

    Category Christianity, Scripture Musings, Spirituality | Tags: | No Comments

  4. Reactionary. . .

    July 26, 2010 by Nate

    My friend Bill has told me several times that much of my life is reactionary. This blog is reactionary. My associations and friendships are often reactionary.

    Most of what I’ve used to define myself is a reaction to the traditional Christianity—namely, Independent Baptist Fundamentalism—that I spent seventeen years of my life identifying with. I go to church wearing shorts and flip-flops because I grew up in a religious system that told me that I had to wear a jacket and necktie every Sunday.

    I attend churches that use really loud alternative rock as their primary vehicle for worshipping God musically because I grew up in a religious system that taught me that rock music is inherently evil.

    I make friends with people at bars and taverns because I grew up in a religious system that told me that going to those kinds of places is sinful.

    Okay, to be totally honest, that’s not entirely true. I wear flip-flops because I really like them. I worship with alterna-rock because it’s the music style that speaks most clearly to me. And I hang out at taverns because I enjoy the taste of a good lager.

    But do you see what I’m getting at? There’s a lot in my life that can easily be a reaction to the religion I grew up in.

    And by reacting to that religious system, I’m creating a new religious system for myself instead of embracing the grace that Christ offers me daily.

    How is reacting to a religious system creating a new religious system? In balking at the standards that were placed on me at my former church I created a new standard for what it looks like to be a follower of Jesus. And it wasn’t necessarily a biblical one.

    A true follower of Jesus should look like this.

    Not like this.

    Or this.

    Or this.

    Or even this.

    Being a missional community, to borrow once again from Bill, means going into the culture, speaking the language of the culture, in order to be a counter-culture for the culture. In other words, we as a Church should learn to contextualize in order to better reach the culture we find ourselves in.

    And I’m beginning to believe that applies to the individual in a different way. Yes, I found it easy to embrace being missional in the culture I identify with (as mentioned above). But the question I face now is this: can I still apply a missional lifestyle if God called me to reach out to the people who are trapped in the religious system I came from?

    Would I be able to lay aside the “look” I’ve created of a follower of Jesus in order to allow the people I’m called to reach a little bit of comfort?

    Would I be able to contextualize by putting aside my love for rock, my love for beer, and my love for shorts and flip-flops in order to reach certain people with the gospel of Christ?

    Would you?

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  5. A quick thought. . .

    April 13, 2010 by Nate

    I’ve been reading through the Gospels again recently, and I can’t shake the feeling that I was missing something in Christ’s words. Something crucial about this “kingdom of heaven” he referred to over and over again. I’ll post more on this at a later time, but I just wanted to get you thinking about this as well. Try reading through some of Jesus’ words and rethinking what you’ve previously been taught about the kingdom he talks about.

    Category Christianity, Personal | Tags: | No Comments

  6. Christ-centered. . .

    March 30, 2010 by Nate

    There’s always a story.

    Life is made up of stories. And every story we have is a part of a bigger story within our own lives, and the lives of those around us, and the lives of everyone we’ve ever come in contact, and ultimately everyone on earth.

    It’s all a story.

    And often, we can’t figure out what part of the story we’re in. John Eldredge put it this way: “For most of us, life feels like a movie we’ve arrived at forty-five minutes late” (Epic).

    I’ve felt this confusion time and time again. But what helps me is knowing that my story fits in somewhere as part of a larger story, and that the story has already been written. Well, the important parts, that is.

    But I can’t shake the feeling that we’ve been looking at this story the wrong way for generations. And I think that’s where the confusion comes in.

    We’ve been searching for meaning in our lives, but we haven’t discovered that meaning comes when we find out that our lives aren’t a puzzle. Rather, they’re puzzle pieces. And they all fit together to create a picture that, at its heart, centers around Jesus.

    But I really think people—no, Christians—have gotten it wrong.

    To find meaning for life, we have to center life around Christ. But to truly center our lives around him, we first have to discover who he is.

    Look at his life. What made him happy? What made him angry? Whom did he cherish? Whom did he criticize?

    Can you relate what went on during his life to what’s going on in your life?

    What makes you happy? What makes you angry? Whom do you cherish? Whom do you criticize?

    No, this isn’t a rehash of WWJD?. It’s much deeper than that. It’s a challenge to rediscover.

    Rediscover what life looks like through Jesus’ eyes. Rediscover what people look like through Jesus’ eyes. Rediscover what you look like through Jesus’ eyes.

    Can you find meaning in that? He found meaning in you. Enough meaning to die.

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  7. What happened last night (pt. 2). . .

    March 11, 2010 by Nate

    After our Life Group meeting a handful of us went to a tavern nearby to spend some time in fellowship. While we were sitting/standing by the bar, I noticed something about our group—our unity in Jesus is so powerful that it holds us together and creates an oddly diverse group. And our diversity is attractive.

    A group of people nearby noticed us and started chatting with us. We told them that we’re part of a church, and the natural skepticism ensued, followed by a bit of curiosity. As we chatted more I found that these people actually admired us. I’m pretty sure we’re different from most Christians they’ve come across.

    Christ said that the world would know that we are his followers because of our love. For a while I’d thought of it this way: our love is so pervasive that people take notice of it. But I think that it’s actually deeper than that. Sure, our love is pervasive and overwhelming, but there’s something else going on.

    Jesus distinctly said that it would be our love for each other that would distinguish us from the world.

    Let me put it into perspective. One of the guys who was chatting with us noticed a girl in our group. He asked me if I’d planned on hitting that (and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t joking, but he was genuinely curious based on some other stuff I’d said earlier in our conversation). I said simply that I loved her too much to do that. And he was a bit confused.

    See, the world defines love in these terms: “I love her so much that I should have sex with her.” But a Christian packs a whole lot more into the concept of love that it actually sounds like this: “I love her too much to have sex with her.” Because to a Christian, the “her” in question is a sister. A sister that should be loved, cherished, respected, and protected.

    Of course, that earns us labels like “prude” and “anti-sex.” It’s unfortunate because sex is what I believe to be the most powerful manifestation of the image of God in humanity. So why is the Church considered anti-sex?

    It’s tragic that the Church has given sex over to society. We’ve shirked our responsibility to show the beauty of God’s relationship with humanity through sex and decided to not talk about it.

    Someone had to pick up the slack. Turns out it’s the culture.

    So here’s my question: are we going to do anything about it? Or are we going to let society control sex? Let’s go, Church! We’ve got an opportunity here. . . let’s not waste anymore time.

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  8. What happened last night (pt. 1). . .

    March 11, 2010 by Nate

    I’m not sure how to describe what took place last night. I was struck by the unity of spirit and heart in my Life Group.

    In John 17 Christ spends time praying for his followers. The conversation he has here are the last recorded words he exchanges with the Father before he is sentenced to death.

    He knows its the last time he’ll get to be alone with his Father while on earth.

    And what does he ask for? He asks for unity among his followers.

    And look at what we’ve done to answer his prayer. Baptist, Christian Missionary Alliance, Pentecostal, Catholic, Episcopalian, Reformed, Presbyterian, Evangelical-Free, Anglican, Methodist, Apostolic, Lutheran, Fundamentalist, Charismatic, Brethren. . . . Do you see where I’m going?

    So last night at Life Group we talked about Catholicism. Interesting topic given the fact that our group is overwhelmingly Protestant. But the ability to discuss our differences without bashing each other’s beliefs was so refreshing.

    I’m fairly certain that one of Satan’s primary goals is to disrupt unity among Christ-followers. I’m not saying that Martin Luther was wrong for inciting division in the Catholic Church. There was an obvious need for change, and he pointed out many practices that were poisoning the minds of Christ-followers.

    But as the Protestant movement became a powerful tool for the Kingdom, Satan seized the opportunity to attack it. And his attack came in the form of division.

    Christ prayed for unity, and Satan is battling that as much as he can.

    But last night, divisiveness was defeated. In one room, Catholic, CMA, E-Free, Reformed (and whoever else was sitting in that circle) came together and declared that our God and Saviour is Jesus, and that life is about nothing more or less than knowing and loving him.

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  9. Missional (pt. 2). . .

    March 2, 2010 by Nate

    It had been almost a year since I last connected with this friend. We met tonight at the Barnes & Noble on Rte. 10 in Morris Plains. I decided to go early so that I could do some book browsing before she arrived.

    I found a book about the Apostle Paul and flipped through it a little. As I did, I began to daydream a little. What would it have been like to travel with him? Was he a somber guy, or did he have a clever sense of humor?

    And what would it be like to walk alongside someone who understood that deeply what it meant to live a missional lifestyle, who understood the synergy created when cross, culture, and community meet within a life?

    As I was making my way from the Religion section to the Science Fiction section, I heard my name called. It was my friend.

    After barely a minute of small talk, our conversation dove right into ministry. As we shared our hearts, passions, and discoveries with each other, I couldn’t help but sense that she too was experiencing the same “dip” that I am now crawling out of.

    And it’s tough.

    It’s tough when God has given you a gift and placed on you a calling, and circumstances push you away from where you feel called. And it’s tough when you look within and find that your own sin, guilt, and depression are pulling you away from taking any step towards what God has called you to.

    And it’s tough when that call is ministry, and you know that your ability to serve is almost completely shot.

    But, like my friend said tonight, finding yourself drawn to ministry, regardless of how often you’re tossed around and pulled away from it, means that you’re meant for it. When you long for the trenches, for the spiritual battle over the souls of people who surround you. When your mind isn’t satisfied until you’ve filled it with God’s word. When your arms itch to embrace the hurting and broken soul. When your lips purse at the thought of sharing with others everything God has taught you. When your ears perk up at the cries of the youth who is lost, frightened, and alone.

    You were meant to be in the trenches.

    As I sipped my tea, my friend looked straight into my eyes and asked me, “How is your relationship with God?”

    She was meant to be in the trenches.

    She drove right to that question. Everything else in our conversation had flowed organically, but this question didn’t. No, it was purposed. Directed. Intentional.

    It was as if that was the only thing she wanted to ask me. As if the night would be incomplete if she didn’t help wake me up to the realization that I was headed down the same path the led me into this dark valley I’ve been in.

    She knew what was important and how to get at it.

    And she opened my heart to a truth I only recently began to notice.

    I’ve not been connecting with my Daddy.

    And crucial to living a missional lifestyle is maintaining an unbroken, open connection with God.

    Because without that connection, we can’t be like Jesus.

    And being missional is being like Jesus,

    (who was more human than anyone else)

    which makes us more human than we were before,

    so that we can better connect to the broken and hurting humans who would never listen to us unless we fully realize our own humanity.

    Category Christianity, Direction, Friends, Spirituality | Tags: | No Comments

  10. With this power. . .

    August 17, 2009 by Nate

    I’m pissed off about the impotence of today’s Christian culture.

    We’re a powerless lot, with no agenda beyond that of finding fault in everything our society is doing.

    But we’ve been given so much more.

    Uncle Ben said it best: “With great power comes great responsibility.”

    We’ve been given an enormous amount of power with which we’ve been charged to change the world. Christ left us this promise:

    “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

    But what exactly is this power?

    Christ did all kinds of powerful things while he was on earth. He healed the sick, he raised the dead, he multiplied food. But all of these acts were but a reflection of the immensely powerful act he would perform at the end of his life.

    He would put an end to death.

    And that power resides within us.

    And with that power comes a charge: to unite the world and reconcile everything back to God.

    But now in Christ Jesus you who were once far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he is our peace; in his flesh he has made both groups into one and has broken down the dividing wall, that is, the hostility between us. He has abolished the law with its commandments and ordinances, that he might create in himself one new humanity in place of the two, thus making peace, and might reconcile both groups to God in one body through the cross, thus putting to death that hostility through it.
    ~Ephesians 2.13-16

    It’s somewhat depressing to see that Christians don’t take this charge seriously. But what depresses me even more is seeing Christians who think they’re taking it seriously, but are doing more harm than good, and are actually doing everything they can to turn people away. If something isn’t working, get rid of it! It’s not bad to look at numbers; numbers can be a good way to judge whether your work is effective. If it’s not, try something new. This calling is too important to be wasted on clinging to tradition or what worked twenty years ago.

    God calls us to something much bigger than ourselves. He wants to use us as vehicles for his message to the world.

    If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.
    2 Corinthians 5.17-20

    Yes, it’s thrilling to think that “the same power that conquered the grave lives in me,” but if that power isn’t doing anything through us, maybe it’s time to take a long, hard look at ourselves and reevaluate what we’re doing with that power.

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