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‘Personal’ Category

  1. God argued with me this morning. . .

    May 17, 2010 by Nate

    I heard a voice today.

    I asked God the most difficult question I’ve ever asked him.

    “Who am I?”

    I can’t even relate to you how much strength it took me to get those words out. And when I did, the answer wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

    “You’re my child, and I love you so much.”

    “Yeah, I know that. Tell me something I don’t already know.”

    “You’re my child, and I love you so much.”

    I grew a little frustrated, so I asked again, “No, God, who am I?”

    And again, “You’re my child, and I love you so much.”

    And then it hit me. I really don’t know what it means to be loved.

    By God.

    By my friends.

    Or by myself.

    After a shower this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and again I heard God speaking. “Do you like what you see? Because I do.”

    “No.”

    “Really? Because I made you. Nate, you may think that’s some kind of warped humility, but in reality, that’s as selfish and proud as the people who love themselves a bit too much. Because you’re saying that you have the right to have an opinion about yourself. You don’t. Only I do. And I like what I see because I made what I see, and I spent time shaping your life and drafting every moment of your so-called insignificant existence.”

    And I paused, angrier with God than I can ever remember being.

    And as if to rub it in even more, very faintly (and I don’t know if this was just my mind’s residual thoughts or if he was still speaking) I heard, “And if that’s not enough, I died for what you see in the mirror.”

    Category Personal, Spirituality | Tags: | No Comments

  2. Home to something new. . .

    May 14, 2010 by Nate

    I’ve lived between downtown Morristown and Madison for practically my whole life. With the exception of a few bars and clubs, I’d say I was pretty familiar with the local flavor of these towns.

    But despite having walked up and down Main Street in Madison so many times throughout my life, I seemed to always miss the best things about it.

    For instance, on the corner where Main Street becomes Park Avenue, there’s a little coffee shop called Drip. It’s a quiet little placed tucked away and not nearly as prominently displayed as something like Greenberry’s on the Green in Morristown. But there’s something wonderful about this place. The smiles, the laughs, the soft rock playing in the background.

    How have I missed this place over and over again?

    And then there’s Poor Herbie’s. At the end of my search for the perfect tavern lay this great little place. It’s close enough to be convenient yet not so close that it feels redundant. The food is great, the beer selection is excellent, but neither of these is what draws me in.

    I feel at home there. Comfortable. Happy.

    How is it that you can feel so at home in a place that’s so new to you?

    In many ways it’s a lot like connecting with God. We go through life, seeing the same things over and over again, reading the same passages in Scripture over and over again, and we miss the best truths God has for us.

    And when we discover them, it’s like finding something completely new and unexpected.

    But at the same time, it’s like coming home.

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  3. Everything I need. . .

    April 26, 2010 by Nate

    With my voice I cry out to the Lord;
    With my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord.
    I pour out my complaint before him;
    I tell my trouble before him.
    When my spirit faints within me,
    you know my way!
    In the path where I walk
    they have hidden a trap for me.
    Look to the right and see:
    There is none who takes notice of me;
    no refuge remains to me;
    no one cares for my soul.
    I cry to you, O Lord;
    I say, “You are my refuge,
    my portion in the land of the living.”

    The last few days haven’t been easy. And it becomes so difficult to trust God when it feels like he’s taking things away from me. To be totally honest, I’m actually angry at him right now. I almost feel like he’s given me glimpses of the great things he has planned for me, only to rip them away with the words, “You’re not ready for this yet, Nate.”

    He gave me something to pour my abilities and efforts into, and then I hear, “I can’t let you do that, Nate. Not when you’ve lost sight of whom this is really about.” And it hurt, but I knew I needed to make some changes in my own life.

    And just as I’m on the brink of taking that first step towards change, a gift he’d given me very recently was quickly snatched away, and I hear, “You’re not ready for this gift, Nate. This was my gift to you, but you’re not a gift yourself.” And again, it hurt.

    Like any child who’s being corrected by his father, I’m angry because the correcting hurts. But, like that child, I know that I have nowhere else to turn, and that the hand that’s correcting me is the same hand that comforts me.

    So I’ll run into the refuge of my Father’s arms, knowing that, even though I can’t have what I want right now, he’s providing me what I need.

    My old mentor told me recently to stop “seeking change for yourself and start seeking the God who changes.” Because change may be everything I want in my life right now, but this God is everything I need.

    Category Personal, Scripture Musings | Tags: | No Comments

  4. A quick thought. . .

    April 13, 2010 by Nate

    I’ve been reading through the Gospels again recently, and I can’t shake the feeling that I was missing something in Christ’s words. Something crucial about this “kingdom of heaven” he referred to over and over again. I’ll post more on this at a later time, but I just wanted to get you thinking about this as well. Try reading through some of Jesus’ words and rethinking what you’ve previously been taught about the kingdom he talks about.

    Category Christianity, Personal | Tags: | No Comments

  5. The Top Ten!

    March 28, 2010 by Nate

    Here are my top ten blog posts! I didn’t choose these entries; they were chosen because they received the most traffic since I started the site (the stats might be a little skewed because the blog moved from restoredtograce.wordpress.com about a year and a half ago.) Also, I didn’t include the entry “Free book giveaway. . .” because we all know why that post received a lot of traffic. Technically though, it was number 5.

    Anyway, here’s the list (not including the aforementioned post). . .

    1. To my future bride (whoever you may be). . .

    2. A day at Liquid Church. . .

    3. God, the Lover. . .

    4. What does true love look like?. . .

    5. Through new eyes. . .

    6. Communications and children’s ministries. . .

    7. Fear in love. . .

    8. Break my heart. . .

    9. The fury of God’s grief. . .

    10. Shorts and flip flops at church. . .

    Category Announcement, Personal | Tags: | No Comments

  6. Always. . .

    March 21, 2010 by Nate

    It hurts sometimes.

    Actually, no. It hurts all the time.

    Do you ever feel alone? Like there isn’t a single person who’ll listen to you? Like all your friends are there simply as a courtesy, but when your heart is crying out to them for a hug or an ear to listen to your fears or pain, they suddenly disappear or tune out?

    I do.

    Everyday.

    Some nights I set it aside and numb the pain by escaping into a book or watching a movie or playing video games.

    Not tonight though.

    Tonight I’m screaming. Tonight I’m calling. Tonight I’m crying for that friend who’ll wrap their arms around me and let me pour everything I’m hiding onto their shoulders.

    And tonight, like every other night I feel alone and abandoned. . .

    He answers.

    He listens intently when I unload the hurt that’s eating at my soul. He sits beside me when I feel like no one else will.

    He rests his hand on my shoulder and says, “I won’t leave you.”

    “Is that a promise?” I ask him (night after night).

    “I told you, I’m always with you.”

    He says the same thing every time. No matter what I say or do.

    He’s always there.

    I rarely follow his advice (even though I try so hard to). I often forget to do what he asks me to. I don’t communicate well with him, and when I do, I’m almost always asking him to do something and never listening to what he has to say.

    Some friend I am.

    But he’s always there. He’s always listening. He’s always holding me.

    He destroyed death for me. . .

    By dying himself.

    And here I am crying out for a friend when this one is already here beside me.

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  7. What happened last night (pt. 2). . .

    March 11, 2010 by Nate

    After our Life Group meeting a handful of us went to a tavern nearby to spend some time in fellowship. While we were sitting/standing by the bar, I noticed something about our group—our unity in Jesus is so powerful that it holds us together and creates an oddly diverse group. And our diversity is attractive.

    A group of people nearby noticed us and started chatting with us. We told them that we’re part of a church, and the natural skepticism ensued, followed by a bit of curiosity. As we chatted more I found that these people actually admired us. I’m pretty sure we’re different from most Christians they’ve come across.

    Christ said that the world would know that we are his followers because of our love. For a while I’d thought of it this way: our love is so pervasive that people take notice of it. But I think that it’s actually deeper than that. Sure, our love is pervasive and overwhelming, but there’s something else going on.

    Jesus distinctly said that it would be our love for each other that would distinguish us from the world.

    Let me put it into perspective. One of the guys who was chatting with us noticed a girl in our group. He asked me if I’d planned on hitting that (and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t joking, but he was genuinely curious based on some other stuff I’d said earlier in our conversation). I said simply that I loved her too much to do that. And he was a bit confused.

    See, the world defines love in these terms: “I love her so much that I should have sex with her.” But a Christian packs a whole lot more into the concept of love that it actually sounds like this: “I love her too much to have sex with her.” Because to a Christian, the “her” in question is a sister. A sister that should be loved, cherished, respected, and protected.

    Of course, that earns us labels like “prude” and “anti-sex.” It’s unfortunate because sex is what I believe to be the most powerful manifestation of the image of God in humanity. So why is the Church considered anti-sex?

    It’s tragic that the Church has given sex over to society. We’ve shirked our responsibility to show the beauty of God’s relationship with humanity through sex and decided to not talk about it.

    Someone had to pick up the slack. Turns out it’s the culture.

    So here’s my question: are we going to do anything about it? Or are we going to let society control sex? Let’s go, Church! We’ve got an opportunity here. . . let’s not waste anymore time.

    Category Christianity, Friends, Personal, Spirituality | Tags: | No Comments

  8. What happened last night (pt. 1). . .

    March 11, 2010 by Nate

    I’m not sure how to describe what took place last night. I was struck by the unity of spirit and heart in my Life Group.

    In John 17 Christ spends time praying for his followers. The conversation he has here are the last recorded words he exchanges with the Father before he is sentenced to death.

    He knows its the last time he’ll get to be alone with his Father while on earth.

    And what does he ask for? He asks for unity among his followers.

    And look at what we’ve done to answer his prayer. Baptist, Christian Missionary Alliance, Pentecostal, Catholic, Episcopalian, Reformed, Presbyterian, Evangelical-Free, Anglican, Methodist, Apostolic, Lutheran, Fundamentalist, Charismatic, Brethren. . . . Do you see where I’m going?

    So last night at Life Group we talked about Catholicism. Interesting topic given the fact that our group is overwhelmingly Protestant. But the ability to discuss our differences without bashing each other’s beliefs was so refreshing.

    I’m fairly certain that one of Satan’s primary goals is to disrupt unity among Christ-followers. I’m not saying that Martin Luther was wrong for inciting division in the Catholic Church. There was an obvious need for change, and he pointed out many practices that were poisoning the minds of Christ-followers.

    But as the Protestant movement became a powerful tool for the Kingdom, Satan seized the opportunity to attack it. And his attack came in the form of division.

    Christ prayed for unity, and Satan is battling that as much as he can.

    But last night, divisiveness was defeated. In one room, Catholic, CMA, E-Free, Reformed (and whoever else was sitting in that circle) came together and declared that our God and Saviour is Jesus, and that life is about nothing more or less than knowing and loving him.

    Category Christianity, Personal, Spirituality | Tags: | No Comments

  9. Missional (pt. 1). . .

    March 1, 2010 by Nate

    Last night in the basement of a house in Lake Hopatcong, NJ, our entire youth staff had fallen face down on the floor in humble adoration of the cross, of grace, and of our Saviour. It was a moment I won’t soon forget as it was the moment that could very well catalyse a new movement within the Liquid community to pour into the next generation like never before.

    I won’t bore you with all the details of the changes in store for our SM program or annoy you with boastings of some of the great things we have planned as a youth ministry, but I will tell you this: never before have I felt that my journey in faith had landed somewhere until now.

    I can’t pinpoint an exact moment when I placed my trust in Christ, but at some point just two years ago, I knew beyond any doubt that my life belonged to the King of the universe. And over the course of the last two years I went through so many changes and shifts that I began to lose any sense that I even remotely resembled the Nate Nakao prior to 2007.

    And while I still feel like I’m in a bit of a “dip,” my future is beginning to come into focus just a little more. But even if the specifics change, I know without any lack of conviction that the rest of my life will be dictated by this sentence: I love the next generation.

    I took on an interim directorial role for the children’s program at Liquid, but as I look back on my term in that position, I realize, to my shame, the lack of seriousness I had with the role. I was tasked with taking the gospel to a future generation, and I could barely stay focused long enough to complete that task Sunday to Sunday. It’s a wonder the program didn’t fall apart with me at the helm.

    But the gravity of my calling hit me last night. My role as a youth leader is one of utmost importance. My task is a grave and urgent one. My Missio Dei is the same as that of all others: take the gospel to all. But in its specificity, my mission calls me to the youth culture. A culture where the idea of a Creator God who loves them enough to die for them is a foreign idea. A culture that is crying out for connection in all areas that they turn to social media—the greatest tool for and weapon against the fulfillment of their desire to connect. A culture that has found something to live for, but is longing for something to die for.

    And so I go forward, taking what I’ve learned and experienced these last few years and building it into who I am going to be.

    I lay for my life a foundation characterised by:
    Grace – Nothing distinguishes the believer more than his/her unbounded love.
    The Cross – The Chosen one of God selected death as his means to bring life to a dead world. It is the central point of history and the fabric by which all life holds together.
    The Culture – The point at which I am ineffective in connecting to the culture is the point at which I cease to live out my call. Universally, the point at which any believer ceases to communicate effectively with the culture that surrounds him/her is the point at which he is no longer fulfilling the Missio Dei given directly to him/her in Matthew 28.18-20.

    Today I declare my life’s mission. And every tomorrow to follow will carry with it an opportunity to live my mission. My prayer is that I will seize every one of those opportunities. I just hope I never miss one again.

    Category Direction, Personal, Spirituality | Tags: | No Comments

  10. The intangible pain. . .

    January 20, 2010 by Nate

    It’s winter.

    Not just the season of the year, but the season of my life. There’s a cold desolation that’s been eating away at me for a long time. I’m not sure if I can attribute it to any particular circumstance, event, or situation, but it tears at my heart nonetheless.

    And I find no balm.

    Cold. Empty. Desolate. Dry. I find myself attempting to satiate my search for warmth in anything that gives off temporal heat. But I cannot find satisfaction.

    And I remember the fire that once burned inside me. The passion with which I burned and the flames that swirled within my soul.

    The fire of God’s Spirit searing its way through every fiber of my being.

    But after circumstances changed, I began to feel a lack of power. And the lack of power began to feel like helplessness. And the helplessness began to feel like desolation.

    But the Spirit hadn’t left me. He was trying to show me something about himself.

    That he cares.

    Christ called him the Comforter. And I’ve certainly needed comforting.

    And tonight, when I feel most alone and confounded, he’s here, whispering in my ear, telling me to “cast all [my] anxiety on him because he cares for [me].”

    Maybe soon I’ll feel him empowering me again, using me to accomplish magnificent things for his kingdom.

    But for now I just need to rest in the knowledge that he’s my Comforter, quietly salving my intangible pain.

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