restored to grace

I keep a little bit of a prayer journal. There are a lot of gaps in it, mostly because I get too scared to immortalize my prayers on paper.

Anyway, I was going through some old entries when I stumbled on these three. I was struck by how much can change in just a few days. I’ve actually never shared this story with anyone because I was afraid to let people see this much. But it’s just too awesome to keep hidden forever.

~Sunday~
Today was amazing, Father. Thank you again for the opportunity to help out in such an amazing ministry. Thank you for these people and the time I get to share with them. You’ve blessed me with some amazing friends.

God, I’m excited about the ministry that you’ve blessed me with at Liquid Kids. I’m humbled by the amount of leadership Bill trusts me with. I don’t get that at all, but it’s in your hands, not mine.

Oh, and thanks for the little break he let me have. As much as I love Liquid Kids, it was definitely nice to have a Sunday off.

God, I don’t know what you have in store for me, but I get the impression that Liquid is going to play a big part in your plan for my future.

Father, please put me in the right place at the right time.

~Monday~
I need your strength, Father. Today was such a difficult and frustrating day. I felt stifled, and I’m angry about the situation I’m in. I’m sorry for being discontent, but it’s so hard right now.

God, you know how unhappy I am at this job. I need your help right now. I know you delight in giving good gifts to your children, so I’m asking you for one.

I want to be able to use the skills you gave me, and I know it’s impatient, but I want to put them to use as soon as possible.

God, I hate the way this sounds, but I’m so frustrated! I’m dying for a change.

I trust you’re sending something, though. Please help me be patient.

~Tuesday~
Sorry about last night, Father. I was overwhelmed with yesterday’s frustration that I didn’t take any time to thank you for all the blessings you’ve given me. With all the sin that continues to destroy my life, you’ve still chosen to use me mightily in your ministry.

You already know my hurts and frustrations, and I don’t want to go into all that again this morning because in the middle of all these struggles, I still have so much to be thankful for. Last weekend was all about you, God. Please help me make that true about my whole life.

I love you, Father.

Every Tuesday morning I get together with my mentor and pastor for some coffee and chatting. That Tuesday, instead of our ordinary talks, he offered me a job with Liquid Kids. Little did I know what road that would take me on.

But I’m thankful for that moment because it taught me so much about God. It taught me that God listens. It taught me that God loves. That moment became the catalyst for a whole lot of internal change in my life.

I still get together with my mentor every Tuesday. And even though I’m not working for him at Liquid anymore he still leads, prods, and teaches me.

His most recent challenge to me was the legacy he’s leaving with me. He has taught me so much, and I refuse to let it go to waste. It’s time for me to step up.

That Tuesday was no coincidence. It was a catalyst to bring me to new heights of worship and ministry.

And I intend to find my next one.

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I’ve been reading a book by Craig Gross and Jason Harper called Jesus Loves You. . . This I Know, and in the chapter titled “Jesus Loves the Forgotten,” Craig recounts the story of a boy who died alone for no other reason than this: everyone forgot about him.

Some kids in a youth group were encouraged to include even the outcast when inviting other kids to a big lakeside party. A socially awkward boy was invited, and gradually made friends. He pensively swam, with some help, (he was a very inexperience swimmer) to a floating island where the other kids were playing.

Eventually the kids went back to the shore to enjoy cake inside the lakehouse.

But the boy was still on the island.

Everyone went home, but no one remembered the boy alone on the island.

After he was reported missing, a diving search team found his body at the bottom of the lake. It was presumed that he had tried at some point to swim back to shore, but an asthma attack prevented him from reaching.

I’m going to be very honest. There are many times I feel like that boy. I often feel alone and forgotten.

Israel Houghton sang these words: “I am not forgotten.”

We may feel like no one remembers us, but if we consider Jesus’ love for us, we’ll remember that he can’t forget us.

Jesus loves us. I know this because he’s made that promise.

And Jesus never breaks a promise.

This I know.

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I was reading through Revelation 1 yesterday when I stumbled on a passage that had a very intriguing setup.

John describes a powerful, majestic, and terrifying incarnation of Christ. But immediately following this description, Christ says, “Do not be afraid.”

It’s almost as if he’s saying, “Look at what I did for you. I am the Eternal One, and yet I stooped down to experience death for you. But I didn’t stop there. I destroyed death so that you wouldn’t have to taste it. I control Hell so you won’t have to go there. So yeah, there’s no reason to be afraid.”

But if we’re honest, we’ll admit that fear is what drives our lives.

If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time, you’ve seen that I’m obsessed with the concept of love. It’s fascinating to me because it’s probably one of the greatest mysteries of our humanity, yet it’s the most common aspect of our lives. It’s also (supposed to be) the defining point of Christians. (I’ll refrain from my rant about Christians’ failure to exhibit this feature.)

So here’s an interesting thought about love and fear. . .

Love, in its purest form, is completely fearless.

Odd, isn’t it? I mean, fear and love seem to go hand-in-hand. We’re afraid to love because we might get burned.

Or the love won’t be reciprocated.

Or we might be taken advantage of.

All legitimate fears. But none have any place near love.

Check this out.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
~1 John 4.18

Um. Ouch.

I strive to love perfectly, flawlessly, purely. Yet I’m held back by fear. And I think it’s this fear that is crippling me and keeping me from becoming the man that God is calling me to be.

Fear destroys love. The most common command in the Bible is “Do not be afraid” or some variation of it. I think it’s time I start obeying this command.

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So today was an interesting day. It was unseasonably cool with a slight chill in the air. It was dry today (which is extremely uncharacteristic considering the massive amounts of humidity we’ve been getting these last few months).

I went to work for the last time at the job I loved more than any other job I’ve had. Definitely a bittersweet time. Yesterday was tougher though. Today wasn’t really as difficult because there weren’t a whole lot of goodbyes involved. Just a lot of “I’ll miss seeing you more than once a week” types of things.

Yesterday was loaded with some extremely difficult goodbyes. Too many. But I’ll probably talk about that in another entry. For now, I’m just talking about today.

I got home from work and had some amazing breaded chicken dish that my mom made. Simply astounding. I’d forgotten just how awesome she can be at this stuff.

After dinner digested, I went for a run in Parsippany with some good friends. Somewhere near three miles I think. Our normal course was interrupted by the darkness that overshadowed it, so we ended up using a shortcut through some better lit areas. That probably shaved several hundred feet from our projected three-mile run. I hadn’t gone since last Saturday, so it was good to get back out there. My left shin wasn’t doing so hot at the end of it, and I noticed some serious pain there during the post-run stretch.

Earlier today I had bought a case of Sam Adams’ Octoberfest for a BBQ I’m having after the 5K on Sunday. It’s probably my favorite Märzen (if not my favorite pilsner or even lager), and I couldn’t resist pouring myself a glass tonight. It was such a welcoming flavor. I’m so glad it’s back on the tap. It’s possibly the perfect taste to complement the coming autumn months.

The Octoberfest pours into a rather dark reddish amber with a creamy off-white one- to two-finger head. It has a fairly insignificant fragrance; a bit of bread mixed with a sweet nuttiness and a smooth caramel. The smell is typical of most lagers. The carbonation hits pretty quickly, carrying a biscuity flavor with it. Initially I tasted a hint of freshly baked bread, but it finished with a rather syrupy sweetness and hints of apples and grapes. It’s a full-bodied Märzen that’s a bit heavy, but quite enjoyable.

I started reading through Revelation again today. Wow. More on that in another entry.

So that was my day. All in all, an excellent Monday. I can’t wait to see what Tuesday has in store for me.

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My friend Beth posted a fantastic entry on this passage, and as I read it, I couldn’t help but be struck by the inclusiveness of the language.

God pours out his blessings on everyone. No matter what.

All we have to do is ask him.

What’s sad is that we often assume that we have to live a certain way or do certain things before God is willing to share his love with us.

So we slave to earn God’s favor, and hope that he’s happy with the work we’re doing.

But Paul wrote a different story about God.

“If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us?”
~Romans 8.32

It’s interesting to see how much our lives change through a simple change in perspective. You can look at your life one way, believing God to be an angry judge waiting to see us screw up, seeing every difficult or painful situation as a way for him to find fault in what we’re doing. Or you can look at life another way, seeing God as a benevolent king who wants nothing more than to watch you grow and mature, embracing every trial as an opportunity to become stronger and wiser.

And God wants this for us. He’s longing to give us great things. He wants our lives to be fulfilled and joyful. The letter writer James put it this way:

“Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures.”
~James 1.17-18

We mean a lot to God. Isn’t there comfort in knowing this? Maybe a simple shift in perspective is all we need.

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I’m pissed off about the impotence of today’s Christian culture.

We’re a powerless lot, with no agenda beyond that of finding fault in everything our society is doing.

But we’ve been given so much more.

Uncle Ben said it best: “With great power comes great responsibility.”

We’ve been given an enormous amount of power with which we’ve been charged to change the world. Christ left us this promise:

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

But what exactly is this power?

Christ did all kinds of powerful things while he was on earth. He healed the sick, he raised the dead, he multiplied food. But all of these acts were but a reflection of the immensely powerful act he would perform at the end of his life.

He would put an end to death.

And that power resides within us.

And with that power comes a charge: to unite the world and reconcile everything back to God.

But now in Christ Jesus you who were once far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he is our peace; in his flesh he has made both groups into one and has broken down the dividing wall, that is, the hostility between us. He has abolished the law with its commandments and ordinances, that he might create in himself one new humanity in place of the two, thus making peace, and might reconcile both groups to God in one body through the cross, thus putting to death that hostility through it.
~Ephesians 2.13-16

It’s somewhat depressing to see that Christians don’t take this charge seriously. But what depresses me even more is seeing Christians who think they’re taking it seriously, but are doing more harm than good, and are actually doing everything they can to turn people away. If something isn’t working, get rid of it! It’s not bad to look at numbers; numbers can be a good way to judge whether your work is effective. If it’s not, try something new. This calling is too important to be wasted on clinging to tradition or what worked twenty years ago.

God calls us to something much bigger than ourselves. He wants to use us as vehicles for his message to the world.

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.
2 Corinthians 5.17-20

Yes, it’s thrilling to think that “the same power that conquered the grave lives in me,” but if that power isn’t doing anything through us, maybe it’s time to take a long, hard look at ourselves and reevaluate what we’re doing with that power.

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Have you ever been alone with God?

It’s funny how for much of my life I talked a lot about how awesome God is, how amazing Jesus’ work was, blah blah blah.

But when I came face to face with my Creator today, all of that changed.

For two hours my entire world was wrapped up in every facet of his being.

Majesty.

Splendor.

Glory.

And I was left speechless, dumbfounded, and in awe. I fell to the ground, my knees jolting with the impact. The trees above me seemed to whisper as the wind whistled through their branches: “Hallelujah,” they hissed.

As I pulled myself from the ground and began walking again, images of those whom God had used in my life flashed through my mind. And he began to reveal more of himself to me.

Love.

Grace.

Excitement.

I thought of the deeper friendships that I’ve cultivated over the past few years. The men who mentored and discipled me. The friends I shared my love and companionship with. The children I taught and cared for. And once again, I was left humbled and confounded.

This God who spoke breath into my life, who raised up and destroyed nations, who whispered entire galaxies into existence. . . this God is my Daddy, and he loves me.

That’s what I found in my secret place.

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Last Friday I had the opportunity to listen to the new MUTEMATH album Armistice. Okay, so I’m a little partial here, but it’s one of the most amazing albums I’ve ever heard.

I won’t go into a whole ton of details, but suffice it to say that this is an album you don’t want to miss.

As Paul Meany was recounting how this latest album came to be, I couldn’t help but be more impressed by the care that went into putting this record together.

The band wrote 36 new songs while they were on the road touring for their debut album.

None of those appear on Armistice.

They scrapped them all and decided to create a completely new, cohesive sound for this new CD.

I hope you come to love it as much as I do. It releases August 18.

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Was anyone curious about what goes on at work that pulls me in so early on Sunday mornings? Well, even if you weren’t, here’s a video to give you a sneak peek on my job.

Special guest appearances from fellow bloggers Kenny Jahng, Mike Leahy, and Rich Birch.

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I’m tired of seeing other people through the eyes of a Christian. Sometimes I’m sickened by my own perspective.

But yesterday I saw through different eyes.

Let me tell you a story.

I was working late yesterday trying to finish up some stuff before the start of the weekend. Around 7:30 the door buzzed. I couldn’t see anyone through the office security monitor, so I walked over to the door. I figured it’d probably be one or more of my coworkers coming back from the Verizon 5K.

As I got to the door, a young girl—no older than 17 years—was standing outside. She had dyed black hair and freckles and was wearing a pink camisole and black leggings. A large tattoo stretched from her shoulder to her elbow, and she was clutching some papers in her hand. One of those was our brochure.

I began to sense a barrier building up inside me. Tread carefully, Nate, I heard in the back of my mind. She might be after something.

“Can I help you?” I asked as I cracked the door.

“Someone over at First Choice told me about you guys. Is there someone I can talk to? I’m going through a rough time right now.”

First Choice, huh. Nate, just look at her. Put the two and two together. She’s not the kind of person you want to be talking to. The voice in my mind seemed to be growing louder.

Suddenly the girl vanished in my mind’s eye, and I saw an old friend standing in front of me. “Nate, this girl is me.”

“Have you forgotten where I came from? Have you forgotten what I’ve been through? You say I’m becoming a world-changer. So is she, Nate. I’ve just been on that road longer than she has.”

The girl walked in, and we sat in the lobby/foyer for about five minutes.

After a short chat, I let her out. “I’m sorry there was no one here to help you, but look for us on Sunday.”

As she walked away from my office, I paused. I could almost hear God’s voice whispering to me, “She’s my daughter too, Nate. I’ve given her the same potential to shape the world as I’ve given you. She has so much potential. Can you see it? My Son can. He died for her because he believes in her.”

The band was practicing in the basement. Through the floor I heard Dave singing these words:

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it’s clear

There’s only grace
There’s only love
There’s only mercy
And believe me it’s enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there’s nothing left now
There’s only grace

And in that moment I realized that God’s story is too big for Christians to get in the way of it.

God’s Kingdom is infiltrating our lives and cutting each one of us through his unparalleled love and grace.

If we’ll look at her through Christ’s eyes, we’ll find that this girl’s story is going to be more beautiful than any we could possibly imagine.

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